It still isn't easy to find time and energy to post. Finn will be two months old tomorrow, and I can't believe it. Where did the time go? How did this happen?
He is so big now! He had a pediatrician appointment yesterday morning and got his vaccinations. Poor guy. I was doing okay with him crying, but when I saw that little tear run down his cheek, I lost it as well. He did fine once I was able to pick him up and snuggle him, and he was less fussy yesterday afternoon than he is many days, so I guess he tolerated the shots quite well. I asked the doctor about his fussiness, which we are pretty confident is due to gas, and he basically said it's something we have to wait out. He said colic is more common in boys than girls, but he's also at the peak time for it, so we should see it start to improve soon. We'll continue giving him Mylocon drops every few hours, keep him upright after eating, and pray for it to resolve soon. Everything else at the appointment was good, and there are no health concerns.
Other updates from the past two months, as I think of them:
We visited the Dulles Air and Space Museum at the beginning of August. It's a part of the Smithsonian, and an extension of the National Air and Space Museum in DC proper. Finn slept through most of it, but Kevin and I enjoyed it quite a bit. My favorite part by far was seeing the Shuttle Discovery. It's huge, and I was amazed to think I was standing next to a vehicle used to transport people into outer space. After the museum, we drove to Annandale to meet one of our breast milk donors, a cousin of my brother-in-law, and pick up over 300oz of milk. She also had a pack of diapers, several bottles and pacifiers, and a lot of adorable clothes for Finn, and we got to meet her family (including her three adorable children) while we were there.
That drive was a trial run for our first big trip with Finn a couple of weeks ago. We drove to Charlotte for a weekend to visit my family. We were anxious about how it was going to go, because it's an 8+ hour drive without an infant, and we were bringing the dog too. Val was confused when we told her to get in the front seat, since she's always been told to get in the back. There wasn't room for that though, and she eventually settled down into her new spot. Finn did excellent, especially on the way down. He slept pretty much the entire time we were in the car; we timed our stops for when he needed to eat or be changed. We took our time whenever we stopped, and it worked out well, even if it did take 11 hours. The drive back was a little more difficult; Finn fussed a fair bit, and we stopped more often. It still wasn't as bad as I feared it would be.
While in Charlotte, Finn got to meet lots of people for the first time, including his uncle Jason, his great aunt Catherine, his great aunt Addy Jean, his second cousin Connie, his future best friend Ray Junior (my best friend's son, whom I also got to meet for the first time, since he wasn't born yet the last time we were in Charlotte), and honorary aunt and uncle Katja and Pat and Katja's parents. We got to spend a lot of time with my parents and my sisters and their families, and it was so nice.
We picked up another 300-400 ounces of breast milk from Jason's Charleston cousin, who had brought the milk up a couple weeks earlier and left it for us.
Last week, my aunt shipped us another couple of days' worth of milk that my cousin's wife had frozen for their daughter and no longer needed. That milk, combined with what we already had and what we are expecting to get from the cousins in the next couple of weeks, was enough to make me realize that with a bit more effort, we might be able to get Finn through his surgery before we have to transition to formula (we aren't supposed to change anything about Finn's routine for the week before or after his surgery, including his milk, so he'd need enough to last til 9/21 for it to work). I put out a request through two Facebook groups. Through those posts, we have received offers of several hundreds of ounces of milk, which should be enough to get us through the surgery (don't worry; I asked all the screening questions recommended by the lactation consultant and my OB). Many of the offers came from people in the Philadelphia area, and one person offered to pick up the milk from everyone there and meet me so that I wouldn't have to coordinate with multiple people on a single trip. I have cried many tears of gratitude over this. We are so fortunate to be the recipients of so much generosity from so many people.
My surgery is two weeks from today. I had my pre-op physical this afternoon, which was the first time I've seen my primary care doctor since September. I wasn't even pregnant then, so when the medical assistant asked me if I had any changes in my medical care since I last saw the doctor, I laughed out loud.
Kevin's parents have been so excellent about watching Finn for us. I'm not going back to work until the end of September, but I wanted to attend the trainings last week that were held for all staff in my department (great information on trauma-based care, plus needed CEUs). Kevin's folks came to our house (since the trainings were only a few minutes from our house) and kept Finn for us, and they've watched him for a couple of date nights, an Orioles game, and several medical appointments. They are great with him, and it makes leaving him so much easier. I miss him, but I never have to worry even a little. My supervisor asked me on the first day of the training if it was the first time I'd left Finn for a day. Ha! I had to leave him the first time on our second day home from the hospital for an appointment with my oncologist, and for longer than that for chemo when he was just six days old. I guess that has helped make leaving him for work a little easier.
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Ring my belllllllllll Ring my bell
I've read every blog I could find about going through cancer treatment while pregnant, and each time, I was disappointed when the posts dropped off after the baby was born. Now I get it. Boy, do I get it.
So this will be an update-heavy post, or as heavy as I can make it before Finn cries, or dinner is ready, or I fall asleep, or some combination of those things occurs.
My last chemo was Friday. My last chemo. It's weird to say, weirder to think about. Chemo has been a part of my life for the past five months, and now I'm done. I'll still be dealing with the side effects of it for a while, but I never have to have my port accessed again (in fact, I get it taken out in a few weeks; more on that later).
Side effects: I'm still tired afterwards, mostly Mondays and Tuesdays, but it's nothing like when I was also elebenty weeks pregnant. I've continued to get headaches, but now that I can take real medicines and not just Tylenol, they're a lot easier to deal with. On that note, the aches aren't as severe either, probably for the same reason. I've had some mouth sores, but they're not too bad, and honestly, I'm not sure it isn't from gritting my teeth at night and not the chemo. It isn't thrush, which is good. My asthma is better, and my blood sugars have been good (when I remember to check, anyway). The newest side effect is neuropathy. It's essentially damage to nerve cells, and it usually starts in the extremities. I got really lucky in that I didn't have any of it until the end of treatment. Mine is in my fingers and toes, and I've had it for a few weeks. I didn't even recognize what it was until about a week ago; I thought I kept sitting weird and making my feet go numb. It's just annoying and weird-feeling at this point, but my nurse said it will likely get worse before it gets better. Depending on the severity, it can take months for the nerves to regenerate and symptoms to ease. I'll have to be careful about my grip and when I'm around sharp or hot objects, as the loss in sensation puts me at higher risk for dropping things and for unintentional injuries. Basically, it's like having a carpal tunnel flare but with less pain (and also it's in my feet).
Last Monday, I met with my oncologist. He is pleased with how everything has gone. He reiterated that what we can still feel of the tumor may be partially or fully scar tissue now, but regardless, it's less than half the size it was when we started, so we know the chemo has been working. The surgery and radiation will take care of any cancer cells that are left. I asked if there was any reason I'd have to have more chemotherapy, if it turned out my lymph nodes were affected, for example, and he said no. If that is the case, I'd have an axillary node dissection (which would require another surgery) to remove all affected nodes and then radiation would target anything that might have remained.
When I asked about the potential for further chemo, however, Dr. Donegan told me about a study that was recently released about the use of an oral chemotherapy called Xeloda. It was given to women with specific types (including my type) of breast cancer who received chemo prior to surgery but had cancer cells remaining at the time of surgery. The study found an increase in overall and disease-free survival in women who took it. It's something to think about if the pathology report after surgery shows any residual disease. I don't want to continue chemo, but I want a recurrence even less, so we'll revisit it after surgery if appropriate (fingers crossed it won't be).
He asked I wanted my port removed during the lumpectomy. I didn't know that would be an option; I thought I'd have to have it in for a few years after finishing treatment. He said it shouldn't be necessary. Some people like to keep it out of superstition or convenience for blood draws and such. Me? Nope. Get that sucker out. It's itchy, and it's uncomfortable when the seat belt lays on it.
We met with the surgeon on Tuesday and confirmed that I'll have a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy and port removal. I'll have to go in the afternoon before surgery to have a radioactive dye injected as a part of the sentinel node biopsy. The surgeon will remove what is left of the lump and take out margins around it to ensure no cancer is left behind. She will also remove specific lymph nodes (identified through the dye) and my port. I asked to schedule as soon as possible, but she won't operate within three weeks of me finishing chemo, and she's on vacation the following week. We decided on September 7, which is just after she returns. She said I can resume normal activity as tolerated after surgery. I won't feel good, but I won't have any restrictions.
The lack of restrictions is good. We met with the cleft team on Thursday. We met with several members of the team, most notably the surgeon and the speech/language pathologist. We got a lot of information and help from the SLP, particularly about how long we let him eat at each feeding. His nighttime feedings often take close to an hour; she suggested we keep his feedings to 30 minutes and perhaps reduce the nighttime amounts to just what he needs to go back to sleep, and give him more to eat during some of the day time feedings. She said that since takes about an hour for his stomach to empty, feeding him for an hour doesn't help him to learn the cues for a full stomach and an empty stomach. We've started making smaller bottles for the nighttime feedings, and we just give him more if he takes the whole bottle and still wants more. We haven't had any wasted milk since we started doing that, so yay!!
The two surgeons on the team and their residents examined Finn and noted that his palate looks great and that his cleft is pretty small. They also noted that Finn's nose looks really good and is only a bit asymmetrical. Dr. Capone will be Finn's surgeon. We met with him before Finn was born and liked him; it's also nice that his office is at GBMC. We talked about timing for his surgery; ideally, he'll have his surgery before I return to work. They won't do the surgery before ten weeks/ten pounds. Finn was 9lb, 8.9oz when they weighed him at the start of the appointment, so we shouldn't have any trouble reaching the weight minimum. They prefer to do the surgery closer to twelve weeks, but they said they'd consider it, what with our specific circumstances. Unfortunately, the timing doesn't work out, since he won't be ten weeks until 9/3, and my surgery is 9/7. Kevin and I aren't comfortable with that timeline, so Finn is scheduled for surgery on 9/13. They are still a bit closer together than I'd like, but I'll be done before his, and I think that'll be better. It also allows me to return to work by the end of September. I don't want to return to work, but I need to. I'll have just shy of three months out of work with him, which isn't enough but is a whole lot better than many people get.
My last chemo was Friday, and it was also Kevin's birthday, so we had all of the celebrations. Kevin's parents came over and kept Finn for us while Kevin and I went to my infusion. I wore my new Orioles Strike Out Cancer shirt, which was my birthday present to myself, and Finn wore a shirt that Kevin's cousin gave him that says "Yay for Mom." I'd been saving it for that day. :) I had picked peaches and blackberries with a friend on Thursday, so I made a cobbler and put together a gift basket for the staff at the infusion center to say thank you for all they have done. Kevin's parents brought Finn up to the hospital when I finished my infusion so that we could ring the bell together. He was not a happy camper and cried until just after we finished, when he settled down and was happy again. Troll baby.
Saturday we headed to DC for the day to check out the Dulles Air and Space Museum and to pick up breast milk from one of my brother-in-law's cousins. The museum was excellent, and I was super excited to see the Discovery Shuttle in person.
So this will be an update-heavy post, or as heavy as I can make it before Finn cries, or dinner is ready, or I fall asleep, or some combination of those things occurs.
My last chemo was Friday. My last chemo. It's weird to say, weirder to think about. Chemo has been a part of my life for the past five months, and now I'm done. I'll still be dealing with the side effects of it for a while, but I never have to have my port accessed again (in fact, I get it taken out in a few weeks; more on that later).
Side effects: I'm still tired afterwards, mostly Mondays and Tuesdays, but it's nothing like when I was also elebenty weeks pregnant. I've continued to get headaches, but now that I can take real medicines and not just Tylenol, they're a lot easier to deal with. On that note, the aches aren't as severe either, probably for the same reason. I've had some mouth sores, but they're not too bad, and honestly, I'm not sure it isn't from gritting my teeth at night and not the chemo. It isn't thrush, which is good. My asthma is better, and my blood sugars have been good (when I remember to check, anyway). The newest side effect is neuropathy. It's essentially damage to nerve cells, and it usually starts in the extremities. I got really lucky in that I didn't have any of it until the end of treatment. Mine is in my fingers and toes, and I've had it for a few weeks. I didn't even recognize what it was until about a week ago; I thought I kept sitting weird and making my feet go numb. It's just annoying and weird-feeling at this point, but my nurse said it will likely get worse before it gets better. Depending on the severity, it can take months for the nerves to regenerate and symptoms to ease. I'll have to be careful about my grip and when I'm around sharp or hot objects, as the loss in sensation puts me at higher risk for dropping things and for unintentional injuries. Basically, it's like having a carpal tunnel flare but with less pain (and also it's in my feet).
Last Monday, I met with my oncologist. He is pleased with how everything has gone. He reiterated that what we can still feel of the tumor may be partially or fully scar tissue now, but regardless, it's less than half the size it was when we started, so we know the chemo has been working. The surgery and radiation will take care of any cancer cells that are left. I asked if there was any reason I'd have to have more chemotherapy, if it turned out my lymph nodes were affected, for example, and he said no. If that is the case, I'd have an axillary node dissection (which would require another surgery) to remove all affected nodes and then radiation would target anything that might have remained.
When I asked about the potential for further chemo, however, Dr. Donegan told me about a study that was recently released about the use of an oral chemotherapy called Xeloda. It was given to women with specific types (including my type) of breast cancer who received chemo prior to surgery but had cancer cells remaining at the time of surgery. The study found an increase in overall and disease-free survival in women who took it. It's something to think about if the pathology report after surgery shows any residual disease. I don't want to continue chemo, but I want a recurrence even less, so we'll revisit it after surgery if appropriate (fingers crossed it won't be).
He asked I wanted my port removed during the lumpectomy. I didn't know that would be an option; I thought I'd have to have it in for a few years after finishing treatment. He said it shouldn't be necessary. Some people like to keep it out of superstition or convenience for blood draws and such. Me? Nope. Get that sucker out. It's itchy, and it's uncomfortable when the seat belt lays on it.
We met with the surgeon on Tuesday and confirmed that I'll have a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy and port removal. I'll have to go in the afternoon before surgery to have a radioactive dye injected as a part of the sentinel node biopsy. The surgeon will remove what is left of the lump and take out margins around it to ensure no cancer is left behind. She will also remove specific lymph nodes (identified through the dye) and my port. I asked to schedule as soon as possible, but she won't operate within three weeks of me finishing chemo, and she's on vacation the following week. We decided on September 7, which is just after she returns. She said I can resume normal activity as tolerated after surgery. I won't feel good, but I won't have any restrictions.
The lack of restrictions is good. We met with the cleft team on Thursday. We met with several members of the team, most notably the surgeon and the speech/language pathologist. We got a lot of information and help from the SLP, particularly about how long we let him eat at each feeding. His nighttime feedings often take close to an hour; she suggested we keep his feedings to 30 minutes and perhaps reduce the nighttime amounts to just what he needs to go back to sleep, and give him more to eat during some of the day time feedings. She said that since takes about an hour for his stomach to empty, feeding him for an hour doesn't help him to learn the cues for a full stomach and an empty stomach. We've started making smaller bottles for the nighttime feedings, and we just give him more if he takes the whole bottle and still wants more. We haven't had any wasted milk since we started doing that, so yay!!
The two surgeons on the team and their residents examined Finn and noted that his palate looks great and that his cleft is pretty small. They also noted that Finn's nose looks really good and is only a bit asymmetrical. Dr. Capone will be Finn's surgeon. We met with him before Finn was born and liked him; it's also nice that his office is at GBMC. We talked about timing for his surgery; ideally, he'll have his surgery before I return to work. They won't do the surgery before ten weeks/ten pounds. Finn was 9lb, 8.9oz when they weighed him at the start of the appointment, so we shouldn't have any trouble reaching the weight minimum. They prefer to do the surgery closer to twelve weeks, but they said they'd consider it, what with our specific circumstances. Unfortunately, the timing doesn't work out, since he won't be ten weeks until 9/3, and my surgery is 9/7. Kevin and I aren't comfortable with that timeline, so Finn is scheduled for surgery on 9/13. They are still a bit closer together than I'd like, but I'll be done before his, and I think that'll be better. It also allows me to return to work by the end of September. I don't want to return to work, but I need to. I'll have just shy of three months out of work with him, which isn't enough but is a whole lot better than many people get.
My last chemo was Friday, and it was also Kevin's birthday, so we had all of the celebrations. Kevin's parents came over and kept Finn for us while Kevin and I went to my infusion. I wore my new Orioles Strike Out Cancer shirt, which was my birthday present to myself, and Finn wore a shirt that Kevin's cousin gave him that says "Yay for Mom." I'd been saving it for that day. :) I had picked peaches and blackberries with a friend on Thursday, so I made a cobbler and put together a gift basket for the staff at the infusion center to say thank you for all they have done. Kevin's parents brought Finn up to the hospital when I finished my infusion so that we could ring the bell together. He was not a happy camper and cried until just after we finished, when he settled down and was happy again. Troll baby.
  | ||||||
| The last chemo. I won't miss it, though I will miss the people there. |
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| Five months after diagnosis, I got to ring the chemo bell. Finn was less than impressed. |
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| Every time I walked past this bell on the way to chemo, I'd look at it and think: soon. Soon I will ring you. | And now I have. |
For Kevin's birthday gift, his parents kept Finn again while we drove to Frederick to visit the Flying Dog Brewery. We drank a lot of delicious beer and had a lovely time.
Saturday we headed to DC for the day to check out the Dulles Air and Space Museum and to pick up breast milk from one of my brother-in-law's cousins. The museum was excellent, and I was super excited to see the Discovery Shuttle in person.
 |
| This morning, Finn had no interest in sleeping after his 6am bottle. I asked him, nicely, if he would consider going back to sleep so Mommy could also go to sleep. He grinned at me. Troll baby. It was dark in the room, so this is the best picture I could get. I'm not good at editing them. Side note: he didn't fall asleep until nearly 10, and it was a short nap. He slept less than an hour from 6am until 1:45pm, when he finally fell asleep and slept for a couple of hours. This mama is tired. |
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| This grin though. I just love it. |
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| He's my favorite. |
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| His End of Chemo shirt, and another smile. |
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Three weeks old today
Finn is three weeks old today. He's starting to show his personality, letting us know when he is content and when he is not. He loves his hands, snuggling, tummy time, and bath time. He is not a fan of wet diapers--or diaper changes, or of being cold.
He's a great eater, most of the time. He's up to 3.5oz per feeding, and he's eating about every three hours. He'll sometimes get hungry after two or two and a half, and occasionally he'll go four hours. He has an adorable (and only sometimes annoying) way of avoiding the bottle when he's not hungry anymore. He opens his mouth wide and lifts his head and shakes it back and forth. It almost seems like a game to him. We need to get a video of it. Other times, he'll just close his mouth and nothing will get him to open back up.
Thanks to the generosity of my brother-in-law's cousins, Finn has been fed exclusively on breast milk. We've probably got two or three days left of milk from one cousin, and then we'll start on the milk from the other. I'm hoping we'll be able to make it to six full weeks, but it'll be close. The cleft team's dietician has recommended we save enough breast milk to allow us to have a gradual transition to formula, so we may be cutting it a bit close. Regardless, the fact that he's been able to have only breast milk so far is amazing. When we were still in the hospital, the lactation consultant came by and said their whole team was impressed that we were able to get donated milk for him, but honestly, it was very little our doing, and all thanks to the cousins.
Knowing how precious the milk is, it is hard when he doesn't finish a bottle. Fortunately, he hasn't done it often, but when we have to pour out half an ounce or more, it's almost painful. People talk about breast milk being liquid gold; it's even more valuable than that when we're dependent on others for it. We figured out that we can reduce the risk of having to pour out any milk by making smaller bottles and adding to it if he's still hungry.
His cord has finally completely healed, so he got a real bath this morning. He loved it, particularly when we washed his hair. He was relaxed and content the whole time, until we drained the tub and he got cold, that is; then he got adorably mad until he was dry and clothed again.
Yesterday, Finn hung out with his dad and Grandpa B while I was at chemo, and in the evening he had his first trip to Costco and first trip to his Brotzman grandparents' house. Today he got to experience Target. He slept in his infant seat carrier draped under a blanket the whole time, which helped us to get in and out of the stores quickly.
He's sleeping well. He usually has one or two fussy periods in a day; we prefer it when those times are during the day rather than the middle of the night. He's having more stretches of 4 hours of sleep at night, which we really appreciate.
We decided to try a pacifier with Finn, after noticing that he loves to suck on his fingers, that sometimes he just can't settle down, and that when we give him his Vitamin D supplement, he loves to suck on our fingers. We're experimenting with several different kinds now to find one that he can keep in his mouth; from what I understand it can be difficult for any baby, but with his cleft, there's a bit more of a challenge. He wasn't interested in the ones we tried last night, so we picked up a couple more today and will see what he thinks of them. We'd prefer him not take a pacifier, since our understanding is that he won't be able to have it for a while after his surgery, but it seems like it might be something he needs--and it's easier to wean from a pacifier than from fingers, since we can just take away the pacifier.
I'm finding chemo to be easier now that I'm not pregnant. I have more energy even on my hardest days, and I'm so glad for that. I was really anxious about trying to take care of a baby with the amount of energy I had in the days following chemo--Mondays through Wednesdays are my most exhausted and achy days, but they're not as bad as they were when I was still pregnant. It also helps that I can now take ibuprofen for the aches instead of just Tylenol, which didn't seem to do much of anything for me.
I've only got three more chemo treatments to go. It's hard to believe I'm so close to being finished with it. Each week, I walk through the garden on my way into the infusion center, and I pass by the chemo bell, look at it, and think about when it'll be my turn. Soon, I think. Soon. And it is soon: August 5, 2016, which is also Kevin's birthday, is going to be one awesome day.
I noticed on Wednesday night that my lump was much more noticeable and closer to the surface than it had been, and I'll be honest, it panicked me. I talked with the oncology PA on Friday about it, and after checking it, she said she wasn't worried and that it was probably just the changes in my breasts from not being pregnant anymore. My milk never came in (a blessing, I've decided, since I didn't have to deal with the physical pain of letting it dry up nor the emotional pain of having to deal with milk that I couldn't use), so my breasts have changed somewhat over the past few weeks.
Even though she wasn't worried, the PA said she would send me for an ultrasound if it would ease my mind, and I agreed. They were able to get me in that afternoon, and they even worked me in two hours earlier than my scheduled appointment time when we walked over after my infusion finished. We had good news from the ultrasound: the tumor now measures about 1.5 cm, which is less than half the size it was when I was diagnosed March 1. I knew it was smaller, but it's kind of comforting to have that confirmation. I had hoped it'd be smaller, or even gone by now, but I'll take it. My oncologist has said that what we still can feel of the tumor could be all or mostly scar tissue by this point, though we won't know until surgery.
My hair is continuing to grow--Kevin observed this evening that it's sticking straight up on top now, and when he took a picture of me and Finn from behind me, I noticed how much darker it's looking. Yesterday morning I thought it almost looked like I had bedhead! It's hard to believe I almost have enough hair now for bedhead!
My eyebrows and eyelashes are continuing to thin, but they're still there. I know that it's possible, even likely, that I'll lose them completely, and that it might not happen until I'm done with chemo. It's odd to me; my head hair is coming back, and soon I'll have to shave my legs again (ugh!), yet my eyebrows and eyelashes are just now going. From what I've read and heard from others though, it's pretty common.
That's all I can think of for now. Finn's sleeping on my chest as I write, and I think he's got the right idea. Good night.
He's a great eater, most of the time. He's up to 3.5oz per feeding, and he's eating about every three hours. He'll sometimes get hungry after two or two and a half, and occasionally he'll go four hours. He has an adorable (and only sometimes annoying) way of avoiding the bottle when he's not hungry anymore. He opens his mouth wide and lifts his head and shakes it back and forth. It almost seems like a game to him. We need to get a video of it. Other times, he'll just close his mouth and nothing will get him to open back up.
Thanks to the generosity of my brother-in-law's cousins, Finn has been fed exclusively on breast milk. We've probably got two or three days left of milk from one cousin, and then we'll start on the milk from the other. I'm hoping we'll be able to make it to six full weeks, but it'll be close. The cleft team's dietician has recommended we save enough breast milk to allow us to have a gradual transition to formula, so we may be cutting it a bit close. Regardless, the fact that he's been able to have only breast milk so far is amazing. When we were still in the hospital, the lactation consultant came by and said their whole team was impressed that we were able to get donated milk for him, but honestly, it was very little our doing, and all thanks to the cousins.
Knowing how precious the milk is, it is hard when he doesn't finish a bottle. Fortunately, he hasn't done it often, but when we have to pour out half an ounce or more, it's almost painful. People talk about breast milk being liquid gold; it's even more valuable than that when we're dependent on others for it. We figured out that we can reduce the risk of having to pour out any milk by making smaller bottles and adding to it if he's still hungry.
His cord has finally completely healed, so he got a real bath this morning. He loved it, particularly when we washed his hair. He was relaxed and content the whole time, until we drained the tub and he got cold, that is; then he got adorably mad until he was dry and clothed again.
Yesterday, Finn hung out with his dad and Grandpa B while I was at chemo, and in the evening he had his first trip to Costco and first trip to his Brotzman grandparents' house. Today he got to experience Target. He slept in his infant seat carrier draped under a blanket the whole time, which helped us to get in and out of the stores quickly.
He's sleeping well. He usually has one or two fussy periods in a day; we prefer it when those times are during the day rather than the middle of the night. He's having more stretches of 4 hours of sleep at night, which we really appreciate.
We decided to try a pacifier with Finn, after noticing that he loves to suck on his fingers, that sometimes he just can't settle down, and that when we give him his Vitamin D supplement, he loves to suck on our fingers. We're experimenting with several different kinds now to find one that he can keep in his mouth; from what I understand it can be difficult for any baby, but with his cleft, there's a bit more of a challenge. He wasn't interested in the ones we tried last night, so we picked up a couple more today and will see what he thinks of them. We'd prefer him not take a pacifier, since our understanding is that he won't be able to have it for a while after his surgery, but it seems like it might be something he needs--and it's easier to wean from a pacifier than from fingers, since we can just take away the pacifier.
I'm finding chemo to be easier now that I'm not pregnant. I have more energy even on my hardest days, and I'm so glad for that. I was really anxious about trying to take care of a baby with the amount of energy I had in the days following chemo--Mondays through Wednesdays are my most exhausted and achy days, but they're not as bad as they were when I was still pregnant. It also helps that I can now take ibuprofen for the aches instead of just Tylenol, which didn't seem to do much of anything for me.
I've only got three more chemo treatments to go. It's hard to believe I'm so close to being finished with it. Each week, I walk through the garden on my way into the infusion center, and I pass by the chemo bell, look at it, and think about when it'll be my turn. Soon, I think. Soon. And it is soon: August 5, 2016, which is also Kevin's birthday, is going to be one awesome day.
I noticed on Wednesday night that my lump was much more noticeable and closer to the surface than it had been, and I'll be honest, it panicked me. I talked with the oncology PA on Friday about it, and after checking it, she said she wasn't worried and that it was probably just the changes in my breasts from not being pregnant anymore. My milk never came in (a blessing, I've decided, since I didn't have to deal with the physical pain of letting it dry up nor the emotional pain of having to deal with milk that I couldn't use), so my breasts have changed somewhat over the past few weeks.
Even though she wasn't worried, the PA said she would send me for an ultrasound if it would ease my mind, and I agreed. They were able to get me in that afternoon, and they even worked me in two hours earlier than my scheduled appointment time when we walked over after my infusion finished. We had good news from the ultrasound: the tumor now measures about 1.5 cm, which is less than half the size it was when I was diagnosed March 1. I knew it was smaller, but it's kind of comforting to have that confirmation. I had hoped it'd be smaller, or even gone by now, but I'll take it. My oncologist has said that what we still can feel of the tumor could be all or mostly scar tissue by this point, though we won't know until surgery.
My hair is continuing to grow--Kevin observed this evening that it's sticking straight up on top now, and when he took a picture of me and Finn from behind me, I noticed how much darker it's looking. Yesterday morning I thought it almost looked like I had bedhead! It's hard to believe I almost have enough hair now for bedhead!
My eyebrows and eyelashes are continuing to thin, but they're still there. I know that it's possible, even likely, that I'll lose them completely, and that it might not happen until I'm done with chemo. It's odd to me; my head hair is coming back, and soon I'll have to shave my legs again (ugh!), yet my eyebrows and eyelashes are just now going. From what I've read and heard from others though, it's pretty common.
That's all I can think of for now. Finn's sleeping on my chest as I write, and I think he's got the right idea. Good night.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
7 Taxols, 8 Days of Parenthood
Friday was my first post-pregnancy Taxol infusion. My mom came with me
while Kevin stayed home with Finn. Leaving him was hard. I may have
cried a bit. Can we blame that on hormones? Yes? Good. Kevin sent pictures to keep me entertained.
Typically, they'd infuse two units for someone in my situation, but since I'd just had the two, and it was so late in the day (transfusions take about three hours per unit), I just got the one today.
I was still able to get my Taxol, so that keeps me on schedule there (yay!), and I finished it about half an hour before my blood was ready. I closed out the infusion center, finally finishing a couple minutes after 5.
The whole time we were there, I felt wide awake and alert and knew that attempting to sleep would be futile. It wasn't until the last forty or so minutes that I decided I'd just close my eyes, even if I didn't sleep, and I think I got about a twenty minute nap in. Every minute counts, right?
Several of the office staff and my regular nurses stopped by to see pictures and ask how we were doing. I'm not going to lie; it was fun showing off pictures and talking about how awesome Finn is. They also liked my awesome new socks from my sister Caren.
Unfortunately, I overdid it. My sister Kathleen, her husband Will, and their 11-month-old Graham came in for the weekend on Friday night. Kathleen and Mom both offered to take any feedings during the night, and I told them I'd get them if needed. I did not. Finn pulled an all-nighter, waking for his 11pm feeding and not going to sleep for more than ten minutes at a stretch until 5am. Every time I thought ok, it's time to wake someone up, he'd fall asleep, and I'd think we were in the clear. Then I'd lay him down and he'd start crying again. Eventually, he took a whole bottle and fell into a deep sleep, and I was able to go to bed as well. I slept about four and a half hours, got up for a bit to have breakfast and visit with everyone, then went back to sleep for another hour or so.
 |
| Cousins! |
Here's Finn at exactly one week old. Yes, I cried.
I was smart enough to recognize that I shouldn't try to do the tour, but we did enjoy a tasting and sitting under the pine trees while Finn slept in his stroller and Graham played in the grass. I have spent very little time outside lately, so it was a big boost to my energy and spirits.
Life is good.
Happy baby!
Finn got his first bath at home a few nights ago. My mom captured this amazing shot of him with his big wide smile. I love it so much.
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Finn Caleb is here!
We are so in love. We are so tired. We are so amazed by this tiny human we created. We are parents!
Finn was in no hurry to come out, and I spent over 24 hours in labor, but he was a trooper. He was 7lb, 7 oz and 21 inches long at birth, and he's already putting back on the weight he lost in the first two days. He has a little bit of jaundice, but the pediatrician wasn't concerned about it at our first visit this morning and said it should begin to ease by tomorrow. He's a fantastic eater; his little cleft lip has posed no problems for him. He has more hair than his mom, though I will point out how much mine is growing in and that it's starting to get (relatively) long. It's also super soft.
I had some difficulties after he was born and ended up needing two units of blood the following day, but it has helped me feel much better. I was a regular blood donor up until pregnancy, but I never thought I'd be on the receiving end. Kevin made his next appointment to donate platelets before we even left the hospital; he'll go in on Thursday. If you're interested in donating, you can schedule an appointment online. I'll have a minimum of 12 months deferral once I finish treatment, but for as long as they'll take my blood, they can have it. Also, hopefully, the federal regulations surrounding eligibility of LGBT people will soon catch up with the reality of the lack of risk posed.
We will write more about him and our experience so far, but my brain and my body are too tired right now, and I'm going to try to get some sleep before Finn wakes up and is ready for playtime...from about 11pm until 3am.
I had some difficulties after he was born and ended up needing two units of blood the following day, but it has helped me feel much better. I was a regular blood donor up until pregnancy, but I never thought I'd be on the receiving end. Kevin made his next appointment to donate platelets before we even left the hospital; he'll go in on Thursday. If you're interested in donating, you can schedule an appointment online. I'll have a minimum of 12 months deferral once I finish treatment, but for as long as they'll take my blood, they can have it. Also, hopefully, the federal regulations surrounding eligibility of LGBT people will soon catch up with the reality of the lack of risk posed.
We will write more about him and our experience so far, but my brain and my body are too tired right now, and I'm going to try to get some sleep before Finn wakes up and is ready for playtime...from about 11pm until 3am.
Monday, June 20, 2016
So very close.
I had my second-to-last NST today. Baby was a little more stubborn than usual, so it took longer than it has in the past, but everything checked out just fine. Without doing a full growth sonogram, the tech estimated the baby is about 7lb, 14 oz, which is just fine with me--not too big, not too small.
TMI Alert. I've had some stomach issues for the past few days. Until today, I assumed it was just from the Taxol, since I have had minor issues each weekend afterwards. When the issues continued into today, I began to get concerned that it could be the diarrhea that I know often accompanies early labor, especially since I've had lots of contractions today. Some of them have been painful, but most of them have just been uncomfortable. The nurse said if I continue to have issues tomorrow, or if it gets worse, I should call the doctor and see if they want to do anything about it, but for now, I just need to make sure I'm drinking enough water.
It would be pretty nice if I went into labor on my own and didn't have to be induced, though the idea of this baby coming already is just a wee bit anxiety inducing. I know it's just a couple of days at this point, but somehow, those couple of days gives me a cushion that keeps it from being too real.
We had plans already to see Finding Dory with Kevin's parents, sister, and brother-in-law, and while I decided I was still up for it, I was worn out from the day and not up for cooking. We went to dinner at Red Brick Station, which was definitely a winner, particularly with the half-priced burger special. Finding Dory was excellent, and I only missed a few minutes of it when my bladder and the baby combined their powers and I had to sneak out to pee.
I took a nice long, warm-not-too-hot bath when we got home, and it eased some of the contractions discomfort. I'm now sitting with my feet up and drinking a bottle of water while I write, and I'll put myself to bed in just a few minutes. The usual Taxol aches have begun to settle in, so bed will be extra nice.
My mom is planning to head up tomorrow afternoon. She will be bringing the donated breast milk from my brother-in-law's cousin; another family member is bringing it from Charleston, SC to Charlotte, and she'll be on the road as soon as she picks it up from them. She'll have the car filled with gifts from the virtual baby shower my sisters hosted for me last month, as well as items that my almost-one-year-old nephew has outgrown. I'm looking forward to having her here. Dad will come up in another couple of days (sooner if needed), and it'll be super awesome to have them both here.
TMI Alert. I've had some stomach issues for the past few days. Until today, I assumed it was just from the Taxol, since I have had minor issues each weekend afterwards. When the issues continued into today, I began to get concerned that it could be the diarrhea that I know often accompanies early labor, especially since I've had lots of contractions today. Some of them have been painful, but most of them have just been uncomfortable. The nurse said if I continue to have issues tomorrow, or if it gets worse, I should call the doctor and see if they want to do anything about it, but for now, I just need to make sure I'm drinking enough water.
It would be pretty nice if I went into labor on my own and didn't have to be induced, though the idea of this baby coming already is just a wee bit anxiety inducing. I know it's just a couple of days at this point, but somehow, those couple of days gives me a cushion that keeps it from being too real.
We had plans already to see Finding Dory with Kevin's parents, sister, and brother-in-law, and while I decided I was still up for it, I was worn out from the day and not up for cooking. We went to dinner at Red Brick Station, which was definitely a winner, particularly with the half-priced burger special. Finding Dory was excellent, and I only missed a few minutes of it when my bladder and the baby combined their powers and I had to sneak out to pee.
I took a nice long, warm-not-too-hot bath when we got home, and it eased some of the contractions discomfort. I'm now sitting with my feet up and drinking a bottle of water while I write, and I'll put myself to bed in just a few minutes. The usual Taxol aches have begun to settle in, so bed will be extra nice.
My mom is planning to head up tomorrow afternoon. She will be bringing the donated breast milk from my brother-in-law's cousin; another family member is bringing it from Charleston, SC to Charlotte, and she'll be on the road as soon as she picks it up from them. She'll have the car filled with gifts from the virtual baby shower my sisters hosted for me last month, as well as items that my almost-one-year-old nephew has outgrown. I'm looking forward to having her here. Dad will come up in another couple of days (sooner if needed), and it'll be super awesome to have them both here.
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